


Redemption Song

by liamthebastard



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-24
Updated: 2014-07-24
Packaged: 2018-02-10 06:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2014191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liamthebastard/pseuds/liamthebastard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Bucky doesn’t have to “redeem himself.” Nobody has to redeem themselves for something that was done beyond their consent or capacity to control.</p>
<p>Bucky has to reclaim himself."</p>
<p>"Now someone actually tell that to Bucky."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Redemption Song

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of [this](http://squirrelofwednesday.tumblr.com/post/92729078324/sgt-james-barnes-paraxdisepink-friendly) tumblr post. Just a short little piece. Not beta'd.

It’s been years since she saw him as anything but a masked enemy, but with Steve’s stubbornness and Sam’s loyalty, they managed to track down the Winter Soldier somewhere in Budapest - Clint's going to love that when he finally shows up. But once Barnes has been retrieved, things get a little more... uncomfortable than Natasha is really prepared for, because she's pretty sure Barnes hates her. Any time she enters a room, unless Steve is there as a big blond barrier, Barnes flees. 

And it's just her, he's managed to develop a rapport with  _everyone_  else around the tower. Hell, he and Tony spend ninety percent of their time together snickering over something, and the other ten percent is spent fiddling with Barnes's arm (Tony seems convinced that if he just tries hard enough he can develop a nervous system for the arm and link it into Barnes, to return at least some of the sensation to his arm). Barnes and Bruce like to talk books. Thor finds his arm "a most fascinating feat of Midgardian healing!" and Barnes had almost smiled at that proclamation. Steve and Barnes are inseparable, obviously. Natasha's certain that the moment Clint reappears, he and Barnes will hit it off, possibly after hitting each other. Hell, Barnes is even friends with  _Peter Parker_ and the kid isn't even twenty. 

He's adjusting to quasi-civilian life, she knows that, but something in his eyes bothers her. It's too familiar, too haunted. Steve doesn't see it, can't see it yet because for all they spend time together, Barnes still won't actually talk to him, but Natasha recognizes it for what it is. Self-loathing. And she knows that he sees her recognition, which is probably why he keeps avoiding her. But she's had it, somebody needs to talk to him, someone who knows what he's been through, and since Clint is gone, she's the closest any of them have to an expert on brainwashing. So she waits until Barnes is in his rooms, alone, and asks JARVIS not to announce her. Instead, she knocks and waits for Barnes to open the door, hoping that if he doesn't know it's her, she can surprise them into letting her in. 

Barnes's face is blank when he opens the door; he doesn't look surprised, but he also doesn't look angry. Just haunted. She walks past him into the suite of rooms, knowing that if he really wanted her out she wouldn't have made it in the doorway. "Grab the vodka, we're going to need it," Natasha says, heading for the balcony. Barnes obeys, snagging two bottles from the well-stocked bar courtesy of Tony Stark -who maintained that just because he'd stopped drinking didn't mean anyone else had to- and following her out into the night air. He silently passes a bottle to her, obviously being careful to use his real arm and not let their skin come into contact. 

Natasha sighs, knocking back a mouthful of the drink and ignoring the burn and staring out over the city so Barnes isn't pressured to look at her. "You've been avoiding me," she says. There's no beating around the bush, no softening of her words. She's not here to manipulate him, she just wants him to talk to someone, and god knows he isn't going to expose himself to Steve, not when he's still reeling with guilt over their battle. "Explain," she orders when he doesn't speak.

"What do you want me to say?" It's the first thing he's said to her since they found him. His voice is scratchier than she remembers, but his words are gentle. 

She thinks about it. "What are you running from?" Because he's certainly running from something, not just her.

Barnes takes a swig of the vodka, even more than Natasha had managed. "Mostly? You, Talia," he says.

Natasha winces at the sound of her birth name. "That's not my name anymore, Barnes," she says. 

"You never explained the change to me though. Last I saw you, you were definitely Natalia." 

"Natalia Romanova did awful things for no reason. At least when Natasha Romanov does awful things it's for a good reason," Natasha explained with a shrug. "Natalia has too much history to be redeemed. It was better to just start over."

"Well, you still call me Barnes, but I've done awful things," Barnes points out, and there's the root of the issue. "I haven't even  _tried_ for redemption." 

Natasha turns away from the cityscape to glare at him. "You don't  _need_ redemption, because Bucky Barnes didn't do anything. You were altered, forced, and nothing you did was your fault. You don't need to redeem yourself. If anything, you've got to  _reclaim_ yourself."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Barnes demands. At least she's getting a rise out of him now, he's showing emotion, so Natasha's gonna call it an improvement. 

"What do you think Clint's been doing? He's on sabbatical, taking time to process what Loki made him do. It wasn't his fault, just like what the Winter Soldier did isn't any fault of yours. He's trying to figure out who he is now, and maybe that's what you need too. Or maybe you need to stick around your friends, let Steve interact with you instead of dodging actual conversations with him. He misses his friend."

Barnes sighs. "I don't know if I can be that guy anymore," he admits. 

Natasha gives a wry smile. "You don't need to be. He certainly isn't the same man he was in 1943, he doesn't expect you to be either." She pauses. "Nobody here expects you to be anything right now. Just... do your best."

"And what if it's not good enough? What if I mess up?"

"If you do, blame Clint or Tony and run, works for me every time," Natasha says, and finally, Barnes cracks a smile. 

The speakers in the ceiling chirp, a courtesy that Tony installed to let them know JARVIS is about to speak so he doesn't startle them. "Sir wishes me to inform you that movie night is about to begin in the common room. He suggests you hurry as Thor is intending to eat all the popcorn. Again." 

"We'd better get moving then, Barnes," Natasha says, nudging his shoulder gently. 

Barnes nodded and took the bottle of vodka from her hand, returning inside and putting it back on the bar. He turns back to her with a small smile. "Call me Bucky... Natasha."


End file.
